Finding Rainbows : An Investigator’s¹ Journey

(1)You May Not See or Hear

You may not see it in the vastness of a star-filled sky

or across an ocean of raging waves

or in a hurricane

or racing cloud

You may not feel it in the volcano’s power

or in an earthquake’s tremble

or in a tornado passing by

or gentle breeze

You may not hear it in the rolling thunder

or in a song of unrequited love

or in a promise made

or child’s cry

You may not see the hand of God that made it all

or hear Him whisper out your name

or feel His touch

or presence

(2)One Question Still

As I look into the star-filled sky

And wonder how and wonder why

and wonder who and wonder when

and ask it over and over again

The answers come by much too slowly

as questions come and questions go

as questions rise and questions fall

one question still is, “Who made it all?”

———

For those who are looking they can see the signs

A bow in the sky or a tear in the eye

That show God is working in each of our lives

The testimony we share, the brief scan of our lives

No creatures can do except the image bearers of God

And are signs of God’s glory like rainbows and stars

In elementary school I barely passed grades

At recess I’d go in the corner and hide

And stay there inside of my mind

The teachers were sure that something was wrong

My parents were sure there certainly was not

Christian Science said it could not be true

For God is perfect, He created all

And so therefore all must be perfect

If something seems wrong it’s just not true

Christian Science has the gnostics beliefs

Said the spiritual was real but the material not

Disease sin and death are only illusions

The stories in the Bible are just allegories

Not history’s stories, just spiritual tales

But might as well be make believe

So when I was 8, I chose not to believe

Nothing I thought could be proved absolutely

You can make up whatever you want to believe

Then a couple years later one day in bed I lay with a cold

Constantly coughing, cough after cough

My parents disturbed by this coughing disease

They both said “Stop that. You don’t have to do that”

And while I knew there were many ways that they cared

There’ll simply be times when they just cannot

In looking back, I see that was the time

When my emotions would start to shut down

And be sealed off till the day I was freed

Now community service my parents held high

They bought a house with a pond for the neighbors to share

And a hill for the children to run and to slide

And then to make sure the sharing would go on

Before they died they gave that hill and the pond

To a local community land trust

———–

(3)Excerpts from my mother’s eulogy — Down by the Pond

And children, generation by generation by generation by generation

Could catch the turtles and frogs and toads and snakes

Or they could dig or run or skate or hide

Or in the winter take a slide

From the house at the top of the hill

In summer nights the peepers and frogs

Would sing a chorus so loud so loud

And lull to sleep and lull to sleep and lull to sleep and lull to sleep

Go softly, go softly, go softly into the night

…

That legacy of touching lives

Would pass onto her children and their children

From the west coast to the east coast

From Africa to Asia

A lesson that it’s lives not things that count

It’s memories and a life that’s lived

That makes a difference that makes a difference that makes a difference that makes a difference

———-

I was in grade 7 when they tested IQ

The teachers discovered there was more I could do

And surely my grades they did quickly improve

And then in grade 8 I discovered poetry

Writing it helped me express what I think

And was something even now I continue to do

————

(4)My first published poem, published in the high school literary magazine

Just After Sunset

‘Twas just after sunset, when in through the trees

I say a small cabin, hidden, unkempt

Weary from traveling, I fell on my knees

Crawled to the cabin and in through the door

I sprawled on the floor, by the old cabin door

I slept from exhaustion, but soon was awake

Could just about feel my sore limbs ache,

The fever crept upon me, I couldn’t sleep

My heart was the ticking while my death clock did creep

‘Twas just after sunset when in through the trees

I saw a small cabin.

———–

Then while I was in high school my grades did OK

But emotionally I was only shades of gray

And I wondered if living was really worthwhile

After high school when I thought of careers

Poetry did not seem to pay enough to live

And so instead I chose psychology

And so for a year at a local branch of a college

I took the courses I needed but then

The next courses I wanted were at the main campus

To my chagrin when I tried to transfer

I got frustrated when I could not

That’s when the Air Force recruiter did call

In the section in their aptitude test in electronics

I got the  90th percentile though I only knew

Two sentences of actual electronics knowledge

Then while  in the Air Force my compliance grew thin

I developed rebellion against the rules

And got out quickly after only one tour

When I returned home to my chagrin

I discovered my younger brother had become a Christian

And now I was really trapped between

Christian Science parents and a Christian brother

And my hostility grew and grew

And my brother warned his friends to stay away

At the end of the summer he returned to college

And I worked some temp jobs while I tried to figure

What my next steps would be

Then I remembered that aptitude test

So my next step was to enroll

In electrical engineering at a technical college

Then in the next summer my brother returned

And my hostility continued to  grow but then

An unexpected turn of events

For no earthly reason I snuck in his room

And started to read the books that were there

JI Packer RC Sproul CS Lewis and others

For the next several weeks I read those books

And then one day I was surprised

As in morning’s twilight I could suddenly see

While I hadn’t had memorized all that I read

I had understood what I did

And more than that I now believed

My brother was befuddled by my change of heart

But I was more than ready to grow

And eager for church and what else there could be

(5)Called to be Holy

We are called to be holy

Not yet where we want to be

We are called by the grace of God

It is from the distance we all see

Where we need to be

We know by grace the one who calls

For you, for me and for others

From many paths we come

From many paths we travel

But only one who is the Way

He is near and yet distant

He is Holy

We are called

He is the destination

And the journey

The one who calls is Holy

The who calls us is the Way

The one who simply is

Is apart from the world

And the Holy One calls us to be with Him

We are already Holy

Set apart to be apart

To live as a people of God

Becoming more like the one who’s called us Holy

And is calling us still

Called not so much as to a particular place

But more to a particular journey

To follow a particular living God

His particular way

And particular holiness.

The path we follow is not fixed in unchanging time

That breaks us if we fail to follow

But is fixed in the one who is

Is living in time

Is also the Living Word

The path we follow is not unchangeable Law

That knows naught of our temper or strife

But rather we follow the living Stone

That shelters us when we need it

And gives us a firm place to stand

The path we follow is not unchanging rules

That break us if we fail to follow

But rather we follow the Living Word

That gives us courage and hope

That gives us knowledge of Life.

(6)He Made Us More than Perfect

He made us more than perfect

He made us more like Him

He made us more than hearts with hope

He made us free from sin

He gave us more than beauty

He gave us endless grace

He filled our lives with so much glory

It shows upon our face

He gave us more than intellect

He gave us minds like His

Along with wisdom for each day

And boundless, endless grace

He gave us more than peace on earth

He gave us peace with Him

And peace within our willful hearts

That overflows our brim

He gave us broken bodies

So that He could make us more

More beautiful than angels

And more holy evermore

He gave us more than circumstance

More than hopeless chance

He gave us time to know Him

And to more than catch His glance

He made us more than holy

Despite our will to sin

He made us more than beautiful

He’s starting from within

He gave us more than courage

Though our spirit had been broken

He gave new life to precious souls

Through His power and grace He strengthens

He made us more- more like Him

More priceless than earth’s treasures

More beautiful than angels

Much more than can be measured

He gave us broken bodies

So that He could make us more

More beautiful than angels

And more holy evermore

———–

The Lord was ready for this investigator’s heart

And for my very first Sunday School class

I was assigned a paper to write

I wrote a paper on the Peace of God

And was challenged when I discovered

The peace of God was most clear

When the conditions of peace were not there

And while I might not have needed that insight right then

The need surely would come in due time in my life

It was also then with a small group I spent a year

That took a year to study Philippians

While covering the rest of the Bible

The following summer twas in a cow pond

I was baptised in the water and mud

At the very first Jesus event in PA

And that was the time that the Spirit broke through

The emotional wall that I built through the years

The proof is the rainbows that look like my tears

In a community church up near UCONN

I offered my gift of service just as

My parents had lived their service before

It was in the singles Bible study the next summer

I met the woman I married the very next year

In a double ceremony with her sister

When looking for a job after college I saw

A large ad for instructor when I remembered

What my mother had said 10 years before

She said unlike your brother and sister

You have to work to get good grades

So you’ll probably make a good teacher

The next ten years were full of life’s changes

3 miscarriages the birth of 2 daughters

Moving twice a new town and new church

———-

(7)This Child of Ours

This child of ours we give to you

This little one we surrender

This tiny child we offer you

This helpless one so tender

This helpless one so tender

For ours is not to give and take

But merely hold awhile

It’s from your hand that we bring forth

Then return into your hands

Then return into your hands

What we conceive we dearly love

With bitter tears we grieve and lose

But we remember you also grieved

When from your Son you turned away

When from your Son you turned away

And it was yours to give and take

But you let go awhile

And from your Son you turned away

Then returned him to your hands

Then returned him to your hands

And we await the final day

When we shall finally see

The ones we lost beside you|

And we shall cease our sorrowing

And we shall cease our sorrowing

It’s only for a little while

That we must bear our pain

The hands that brought us all forth

Shall restore us then in peace

Shall restore us then in peace

———-

Then the school-owner’s sin caused the school to close down

And in the year of recession I was left to hold

No insurance, unemployment and hospital bills

With the grace of God and the church we continued on

Worked for a community college for 23 years

As we served in a church for 30

Taught Sunday School and confirmation

Served on various boards and the leadership team

Rewrote bylaws and guided revitalization

And in the meanwhile I created 3 books

Forty years of poetry, a Biblical overview

And lessons on the Tabernacle and Passover Seder

And then in my wife’s unexpected career

She ended up working in New York the last few years

But was commuting back to Connecticut

So this last year when I turned 62

I retired early so we could be

Living under only one roof again

So with my children in Boston and Chicago

My wife in Kingsborough college

I’ve been only 8 months in Brooklyn full-time

With the help of Blue Apron I’ve learned how to cook

And I do all the shopping and errands

As I investigate what to do in this next stage of my life

(8)Quiet Echoes

The rooms still quietly echo

With the children’s voices and steps

The years of nurture and tending

Have blossomed into joy

Memories float through daily routines

Accompanied by smiles and tears

For the children were precious

but now they are gone

Becoming less like children

And more like friends

In this season when the children have grown

And they walk on paths they have chosen

We now take delight

As we watch them take flight

And our world has grown larger

As we’ve learned to see through their eyes

 Our relationship has also grown

As our children now make their own way

We now have become less like parents

With each other we’re more like friends

 Memories float through daily routines

Accompanied by smiles and tears

For our young days were precious

But now we have grown

And our love has grown stronger

As we have grown through the years

 When our children were young we held tightly

Then let go as we carefully watched

Then we learned to let go as they grew even more

And our watching turned to waiting and prayer

 In this season as we recall where we’ve been

And walked along roads we’ve not chosen

We still take delight

As we walk in the light

And our vision’s grown larger

As we’ve learned to see through Christ’s eyes